I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
