And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a beard to bite.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
