My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
