i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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