Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
