I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
