how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
