dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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