My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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