How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
a search helicopter?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
