Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
