got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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