I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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