so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
