Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
