ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
