Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
