I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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