3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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