ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
