Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
