the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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