you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I could fuck to npr.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
