I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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