The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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