Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
