i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
