Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
