She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
