Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize