It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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