Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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