Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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