I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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