I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
