I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
