I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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