Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sorry about my life...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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