she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
