Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
