the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize