Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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