UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
