sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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