u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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