yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
