its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
