I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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