batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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