Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
