I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize