32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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