I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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