textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
