If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
