I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
