Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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