I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
