she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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