watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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