She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize