How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
