I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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