why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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