How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
