4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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