used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
