When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
