Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
