The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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