I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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